i hate not knowing

In kindergarten, I used to hold my breath until my face turned red.

My mother still tells me how frustrated I got whenever I didn’t know whatever was being taught at school.

“How could you know it if you haven’t learned it yet?” She’d try to console me.

Now, when my mind insists I should know, my teacher tells me, “You can’t jump over your knees.”

My little girl wants to scream back at him into the Zoom screen, “Why not, dammit??!!!”

She wants to know everything now, and she wants to know more than anyone else.

Perhaps she thinks that certainty would make her safe from being taken by surprise, from the unknown, or ridicule.

Maybe if she knows more and all of it, she will close the loop on her worthiness.

I don’t know.

What I do know is that knowing robs us of wonder.

Sure, we’re habituated to fear the unknown but think about it.

• There are equally amazing and dismal possibilities in the unknown.

• If you already know everything, you eliminate all other potentials. If you are certain you are no longer curious

• You’ve slammed the door shut on creativity because

• If it’s known, it’s already been created.

And yet, we’ve been conditioned to believe we “should know better” when we “fail” in a relationship or business, when we’re duped or miss warning signs we only see in the rearview.

Our addiction to perfection is unrealistic, and it robs us of humility.

The good news is that when you are separated from your humility (i.e. when you think you should know better), life will bring you to your knees to remind you in any number of fun forms – divorce, bankruptcy, illness, etc.

If life happens to have brought you to your knees, take a moment to celebrate, for a higher wisdom is on its way.