Safe harbor

I did a cool thing the other day (which brought up my low parenting score for last week).

When I was in Denver this summer, I met with a new friend, Ted Barrett, who created a communication technique for tense conversations.

He was married for 45 years before his wife passed (she sounded like an unbelievable woman), and together, they developed and used this method in the final five years of their time together (which transformed what sounded like a pretty great marriage to begin with).

He gave me about one hundred examples of how he'd used the method in his practice and asked that I try it and hand it out freely.

Last week, my 21-year-old and I were about to get into a well-worn discussion that often turns heated and never ends well.

I brought out the timer, showed him the instructions (super-simple) and we had the conversation using these three easy steps.

We could hear each other in a new way even though we were saying many of the same things.

I am reminded of the fundamental truth: no one cares what you're saying until they know you care. This happens with active listening.

Give it a try, and let me know what you think so I can share it with Ted! Go to Safe Harbor for instructions and a handout.

No, I'm not getting paid for this, and neither is Ted. He is spreading this word out of the passion he has in his heart.

Is there anything more important to you than your relationship with the people you care about, whether they are spouses, children, clients, or coworkers?

I didn't think so. Me either.

If you're serious about making those relationships as healthy, real, gratifying, and satisfying as possible, try it! And let me know.