Book Anthology: Letters To Me

Chapter: “Letter to Myself by Abby Havermann”

45 Letters sharing lessons and experiences from the past to empower the hearts, minds, and souls of the future. Compiled by Mary Hang.

Abby’s Excerpt from Letters to Me: Life Lessons I Wish I Knew

Dear Abby,

I know your deepest darkest secret. You are unlovable. I know how hard you are working to make sure no one finds out. I think you have some people fooled. They think you “have it all together,” but I know you’re dying inside. Inside all you do is compare yourself to everyone else, and they always seem to be prettier, smarter, and funnier than you. 

I know you think if you could get a boyfriend, you could prove you are lovable and stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. I know you are so desperate to be loved by a boy that you hardly even think about whether or not you like him or if he’s a good choice for you. You don’t decide to fool around with boys because you want to; you do it because they want to, and you want them to love you. But boys don’t want to do those things because they love you. Sometimes, they just want to do those things. 

I know you are ashamed of the desperation you feel. You tell yourself you should be more independent. Everyone thinks you are; no one knows what you’re feeling inside. No one knows what you know - you’re unlovable.

But it’s not true. You are lovable. I know you don’t believe me. People probably say great things about you all the time, and it feels good for a moment, but you brush it off. You don’t take it in because you think if they truly knew you, they wouldn’t say those nice things about you. 

Those people who say those heartfelt things about you are right. They see you as you can’t yet see yourself. If you saw yourself through their eyes, you would know you are a gift. More importantly, you have gifts only you can bestow on this world. 

You think your life will start when you get married. Getting married means someone loves you, and the wedding and the ring prove it to the whole world. You’ll finally be queen for a day. But I need you to understand that lasts only a day. Once you’re married, it's just like normal life, except now you are with this other person, and if that other person is someone you chose based on wanting to be loved and not based on what you love about them? It’s not good. 

Your only job now is to love yourself. You must get this right. Love yourself. Whenever you hear that nasty voice in your head saying mean things to you, tell it to shut up. If you date a boy, make sure it's because he treats you well and makes you laugh, not just because he likes you. Don’t hang out with friends who make you feel bad about yourself. Don’t be afraid to be alone for a spell. If you love yourself, you will attract the right people for you.

You are so special. I can’t wait to see what you do and all the lives you touch, all the people who are better for having known you.

All my love,
Abby